Sex In The Black Renaissance: Your Mr$. Could Never
Before we are even old enough to start school, we start learning lessons about what it means to be a woman. And what it means to be a Black woman more specifically. The curricula and learning objectives are hidden within the plastics of our toy kitchen sets and our Baby Alive dolls. We get the lessons around how we are allowed to show up when the number of beads and barrettes in our hair is determined by how much noise they will make when we walk into a room. Because nobody likes loud little girls…and especially not loud little Black girls. And ultimately…the “nobody” in question is “your future husband.”
Being trained up for marriage while simultaneously being shamed for being “fast” is a WILD experience. Like, if I am a little girl, why am I already learning lessons about how to be a wife? I am expected to behave how a future wife would but also to stay in a child’s place? How does that make sense?
Even through our development into sexual beings, we receive these mixed messages. As a Black woman, you better know how to keep a man! And that includes those early lessons of cooking, cleaning, and caring for everybody in your family like you did that Baby Alive…including your brothers and boy cousins who are your same age but not having to learn these things for some reason…
But it also includes keeping “your future husband” satisfied…sexually.
And when do we learn these lessons you ask?
NEVER! Do not ever talk about sex. Do not ever think about sex. Do not ever ask about sex until you are married. Otherwise, you are ‘fast’, ‘ya nasty’, ‘you are a freak’, or if you are older than 9 or 10… ‘you are a hoe!’ And that is probably the worst thing you can be. Mostly because it takes you out of the running to be a “future wife.”
See, wives are quiet, docile, respectful and respectable. They are sexy enough to keep their husbands’ interest, but not enough to pique the interest of any other male on Earth, okay?! They are freaky enough to keep their men satisfied, but definitely not freakier than their man (or any of the other women who pique his interest). You can not have too much experience because then it is like, ‘who taught you that?’ But at the same time, you better know what you are doing! You must let your man lead the household and lead in the bedroom, unless he tells you otherwise. So yes, with no lessons, no experience and even no formal sex education, wives should be able to do it all, but not too much of it all.
So Mistress Marley’s depiction of “Your Mr$. Could Never” is not only speaking to her own bad bitchdom, but also to the limitations of women who become wives and have to abide by all of these societal and cultural rules that quite literally contradict each other at every turn. Women who follow these rules to become a “Mrs.” do not get to experience the sexual liberation that Marley expresses through her work and through the captured images of this exhibit. The wives that perfectly meet these qualifications do not ever get to experience dominance, only being dominated while being perfectly submissive. They never get to experience pleasure unless it is at the hand of their husband, so they do not get to define pleasure for themselves. Black girls, turned Black women, turned quintessential Black wives could never explore their kinks, their desires, their bodies, their fantasies, or their sexual imagination in the ways that Marley teaches her students to.
Mistress Marley’s work is Sex in the Black Renaissance. She exemplifies what it means to reclaim our identities as Black women. And do not get me wrong, there is SO MUCH SEXINESS in submission. Black women turned wives can absolutely choose to be docile, soft and modest. They can choose to be led and to follow. In fact, Black women should be able to choose however they want to show up, whenever and wherever for whatever. Mistress Marley shows us that Black women are in control of our own sexualities, and that you do not have to be a “Mrs.” to earn your respect! We are unlearning all of that! Those “lessons” are now null and void! We are reclaiming our time!
So whether you are a Ms., a Mrs. or a Mistress…
Whether you are wrapped in leather, coated in white fur or suited in your Sunday’s Best…
Whether you are soft, strong, a sub or a dom…
We are taking our power back! Black women, our renaissance is now!
Creative Director and Stylist: Melquan Ganzy
Photographer: Marlon Turner
Writer: Nia Sutton
Talent: Mistress Marley
Hair Stylist: Quran Bell
Make-Up Artist: Sadé-Amour Mirabal
Fashion Assistant: Dyer “Dior” Sharp
Featured Brands: Pipenco, Yaqi Zhan, Saint Francis, Third Crown, And Khiry